Let me ask you. What words come to mind when hearing the word... expectation? What images do you see? Maybe you think of Pip in the classic novel by Charles Dickens. Maybe you see Ethan Hawke and Gwyneth Paltrow dancing beautifully. Or perhaps you feel angered by this question. Maybe for you, expectation is a four-letter word that would never have the honor of coming out of your mouth. Maybe it's just the opposite. Perhaps you thrive on this very thing.
In knowing me well, you know that I struggle with exceptionally high expectation. Why? Who knows? It's one of the few things that Bo simply does not know (and Nike wouldn't help out either on this one). I simply expect a lot out of people, especially close friends and myself. It's both a blessing and a curse.It appears as though the tendency in our present culture is to view this thing with disgust and negativity. The trend, it seems, is to say, "How dare you place expectations on me." For many, expectations are a noose, an impasse, a deal breaker. I find myself confused with such a mind set. I just don't quite understand how it got to be this way.
Aren't expectations meant to be beautiful? Aren't they simply in place to bring strength to our insecurities? Aren't they as much for our growth as they are our pruning?
I was talking with a good friend a few months ago. We were having the usual conversation... dreaming aloud, processing the future, and examining all the possibilities. Remember, this is the norm for us. So, we've been talking seriously about living in the same place and doing life in a way that we only dream about to this point. Everything was in motion.
Fast forward. Two weeks ago, I'm again talking with this same close friend. He (name withheld to protect the guilty) starts off by asking if I really believe in what we've been talking about. I couldn't believe it! But, we're not done. He then proceeds to tell me that he just doesn't have any expectations for the future and simply changes the course of years of incredible dialog.
Hmmm... expectations. I know this is a very controversial subject. I know that I'll probably get comments from all sides of the debate. I know that together we can help one another understand this often difficult issue.
Let's speak openly. Let's share honestly. Let's live expectantly... or not!
5 comments:
Bo, you said it best when you told me that sometimes we swim out too far without a paddle. It's our personal expectations that push us, but then we struggle to maintain the paths that we created by being so driven and stubborn. We try to carve out perfect lives in an imperfect world and are disappointed when things don't quite fit the way we planned.
Your blog is delightful. Please keep writing.
Here's the thing. As a pessimist, I totally disagree with you. Too much expectations on other people will almost always lead to being upset.
Now high expectations on yourself, and not all on your friends...NOW we're getting somewhere. The more I try to push myself, the better life seems to go. Raise the bar for yourself, and when friends go above and beyond the call of duty, it's a pleasant surprise.
Scooter!
You know it's strange for an eternal optimist and lifelong pessimist to be so close in our language. Really. We're not that far off!
I agree... too much expectation on other people can lead to a dangerous place. And yet, expectation can be a beautiful thing if balanced correctly!
Amy, thank you for taking this journey with me. There are times when we feel compelled by an inward mandate or an outside challenge. Too often we try to accomplish our "perfect lives" through independence.
Perhaps paddles come with names and faces. Maybe people like us crash together to help another through the deep unknown waters.
Anytime you need me, just reach out and I'll be closer than a paddle!
Have you ever heard the saying: "expectations are pre-meditated resentments"? Puts a whole new perspective on the word "expectations," or does it?
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