Universal: Rewired...

I should warn you. This entry may not be the easiest to read. It also may not produce vines of encouragement in which to grab hold of. What I can promise you is this. In the game of hide and seek, you'll eventually be found. If not, what's the point in playing. Right?

Let me introduce you to my newest companion. I'm sure you've met him before! Maybe you've run into him when leaving a particular movie? Maybe you've seen him outside the stadium gates just after the big game? He may have even been in your living room a time or two. Possibly after watching the latest season finale of your favorite show? Or maybe he's come closer. Perhaps you've encountered him with a good friend or family member?

Disappointment, say hello to my friends. Ah, yes! You already know him very well.

If you're like me, you really struggle with Disappointment. It's like he's a master magician... you never really know what "face" he's put on. He always seems to be wearing a different outfit each time you see him. His many disguises surprise you. His motivation- confusing at best. After all, he's just one tough dude to tie down!

Personally, I hate Disappointment! It's one thing to let yourself down. Of course, that sucks. It's another thing when you disappoint someone close to your heart. Regardless of how long they've held this "inside" position, to disappoint them is to chisel away at the very foundation of your being. It can change everything!

I still vividly remember a few times that I completely disappointed my parents. The look, the one where they've just discovered "D", is menacing. At this point, wallowing in my own disappointment never crossed my mind. Was I disappointed in my actions? Yes. However, I was more concerned with what "D" would do... the lasting impact he would have.

Yesterday, I disappointed a close friend. I feel horrible as a result. I wish there was some way to go back and change the events of yesterday. As we all know, there's not. I can only hope that time and forgiveness will create a beautiful mess of it all.

Now, I'm currently struggling to make sense of it somehow. Remembering, reliving, retracing... you know the feeling. It was the first time my friend associated me with Big D. Of course, there wasn't the false expectations that I would never hurt or disappoint him. It was just the first time. That's all.

Which got me thinking. When do you reach a place in love or in friendship that is able to cope with Disappointment? How do we respond when he crashes the party? How do we navigate through him? If we can't keep him away from the party, can we live in such a way that honors or minimizes his presence? Can we turn him from hated enemy to trusted ally?

Could the universal ache of Disappointment lead us into greater capacities of love?